Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.
“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activists, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”
“In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it, ergo, they should stop.”
According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960′s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passersby. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.
“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me ‘La Trene’ and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”
Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”
Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation; however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.
“That’s preposterous, ”said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. “We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party!
What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”
When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activist’s meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and ‘farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail. “That’s just our secret hand shake,” assured the organizer.
yeah yeah i know its fake….
#thecreed “demo” #tape #vegan #straightedge #hardcore (at Hard Press Headquarters Lynwood California)
Amazing desserts @lbve #vegan. The whoopie pies are to die for! 👍❤ (Taken with Instagram)
Vegan cheese steak @lbve #vegan (Taken with Instagram at Long Beach Vegan Eatery (LBVE))
#vegan 😜 (Taken with instagram)
Cannabis Cheerios treat #vegan 😜😳 (Taken with instagram)
I skipped rsd and got #vegan lunch at Vihn Loi (Taken with Instagram at Vinh Loi Tofu)
#vegan Cobb and @killmikemdc (Taken with Instagram at Swingers)
Two boots best #vegan pizza spot in la (Taken with Instagram at Two Boots Pizza)
Morning Again first t shirt design. I got this from their guitarist Steve Looker. You may have seen on La Ink as he used to work in the shop. One of the funniest dudes I have ever met. He is still Edge and Vegan. They are playing a few fests on the east coast and in Europe.